Many small towns in Illinois have quaint village squares with green space surrounding a central meeting location or fountain. Around the perimeter are civic centers, courthouses, churches, bakeries, and restaurants – places people often frequent and enjoy with others.

I’ve always loved driving through or even stopping to take a break in the square. The vibe in small towns is one of unmistakable warmth and connection, especially on Memorial Day, the 4th of July, and Labor Day, when the squares are decorated with red, white and blue; flags waving carefree in the breeze.

When a colleague approached me recently with a question, the village squares of my memories popped up. 

Sue asked me, “Don’t you think the political landscape is different than it used to be? There’s so much more stress, finger pointing, and agitation. At least that’s the way it seems to me. It makes me nervous.”

To her credit, Sue had gone back and listened to presidential debates from years past in attempts to get a bead on how to think of our current political landscape: the rise in tension, the ‘othering’ of those who think differently than us, and what it all means for us in the ‘village square of our daily lives.’

How would you answer Sue’s question? How do politics and other tensions play in your day-to-day?

The village square of our past, even the recent past, felt safer somehow. People came together for community events, they shared food and music and games, made plans, and engaged in friendly debate. There was a certain, well, certainty to it. We could relax, despite our differences, because we were neighbors and part of the same community.

So where are we today? 

At odds, reactive and fighting with ourselves, our neighbors, and family, the world – or so it seems. (How’s your Thanksgiving dinner been these past few years?).

Between COVID’s impact, immigration events around the world fueled by climate events, devastating wars, economic wobbliness, and the impact of social media in our intimate lives, we’re suffering. No doubt about it.

Anxiety is up in 2024 by 43% (per the American Psychiatric Association) with more than two-thirds of us feeling anxious about current events, gun violence, and the economy. Not surprising, 73% of us are anxious about the upcoming election.

We feel conflicted and disconnected, yet we aren’t exactly sure how to talk about it. So, we don’t.

Instead, we isolate or avoid, find those within our bubble to yammer with, or we find ourselves caught up in the hot emotion of difference and feel a defensive need to stake a claim on our point of view – others be damned!

Perhaps most importantly, we somehow expect we should be able to handle this massive upheaval of stress, just like in days past. 

“The expectation that we can be immersed in suffering and loss daily and not be touched by it is as unrealistic as expecting to be able to walk through water without getting wet.” ~ Dr. Rachel Remen, Stanford Medical School Faculty

But today different mindsets and skills are required, which takes me back to Sue’s question.

My answer to Sue’s question? 

We’re in a state of collective dysregulation.

As humans, we love certainty, and I believe we’re on the search for the quality of connection we experienced in the past to sustain us. I think we’d all like to relax in our trusted village square – which makes sense since the most significant determinant of resilience (in all major studies over 50 years) is the quality of our connections with one another on the village square of our lives.

Instead, our stress levels are ratcheted up, as are our emotions and energy.

When our stress hormones are running high, we literally can’t think as clearly.

Our decision making is compromised by stress and anxiety.

We become more easily and quickly overwhelmed. Emotions, being contagious, pick up as we key into one another’s emotional states. Before you know it, we’re personally off kilter which can lead to burnout and compassion fatigue.

Behavior, Boundaries & Bandwidth

If any of this sounds familiar, and you’re unsure where to start, start by checking in with yourself.

First, pause to feel your breath, and then use the following questions to gain clarity (no judgment here, simply observation):

• Where do you notice stress in your body when charged or political conversations are occurring? Clammy, dizzy, flush, clenched, heart racing?

• What do you notice about yourself emotionally? Can you name your feelings – fearful, hopeful, anxious, angry, etc.?

• In what ways has your thinking been impacted by high stress? Are you angry, clear-eyed, narrow-minded, open, finger-pointing? 

• What bad habits emerge when you’re under stress? Avoidant, super busy, shut down (with food, alcohol, binge watching something)?

• What’s the cost to your energy if you indulge in those bad habits? Rate your energy on a 1-10 scale with 1 = low energy, 10= high energy.

Boundaries are the limits we set for ourselves that set us up for clear communication on what we care about, how we want to interact with others, what we’ll tolerate from others.

Boundaries are all about who we give power to in our lives. 

When we have good boundaries, we know where we stand and can be open to other’s points of view, especially if they’re different than our own.

Setting good boundaries is the most compassionate thing we can offer one another. But it can be tricky to do – we run the risk that others might be upset and uncomfortable.

Yet when we extend boundaries, we can hear conflicting points of view, we’re less inclined to feeling threatened or shaken, we’re centered in what matters most, and hopefully, we’re open to learning, not defensively demanding anything from anyone else.

Healthy boundaries are about taking a stand for what we care about and how we can live in dignity. Setting them starts with two things: 1) self-awareness of what we’re experiencing, our values and concerns, and 2) a willingness to communicate clearly with others.

Examples of healthy boundaries include:

• Expressing your feelings responsibly.

• Talking about your experiences honestly, in the moment.

• Addressing problems directly with the person involved, rather than with a third party.

• Making your expectations clear rather than assuming people will figure them out (or should just know!).

• Declining with a respectful ‘no.’

As we set boundaries, we also create space – bandwidth – to take in all the incoming information and address it face on rather than being overwhelmed by it.

Bandwidth that supports a return to the good vibes of the Village Square.

What will your choice be? How’s your anxiety level? Drop me a line at DrChris@Q4-Consulting.com. Here are some supportive resources for you.